Rocket Money

Little Johnny wants a rocket
Got some money in his pocket
Not enough to ensure purchase
So he walks the neighbour’s lurchers
As his neighbour’s rather lazy
And the dogs are going crazy
Which is not all that surprising
Dogs like that need exercising
“I’ll do that!” is John’s demand
“If you give me cash in hand.”

At the end of leads they’re straining
Suddenly it’s starting raining
Mud and muck is doggy heaven
Little Johnny’s only seven
Down into the mud he’s tripping
Doggies from his hands are slipping
Barking at each bike that passes
Leads a-dragging through the grasses
“Oh, my Gawd!” squawks little John
“Now the bloomin’ things have gone!”

Phoenix-like he’s up and chasing
Lurchers up the highway racing
Pausing now and then for sniffing
Where some doggie widdle’s whiffing
Johnny screaming in the distance
Hoping to recruit assistance
But his hope is quite misplacened
Off they go and leave him chastened
All they want’s a good long chase
Their frustrations to erase

Out upon the moors they rocket
Johnny’s eyes strain from the socket
But the dogs are disappearing
On through heath and forest clearing
On through streams and vegetation
Not a hint of hesitation
Over rocks and voles and heather
Filthy dogs in filthy weather
‘Til young John no more can run
Worn out by their canine fun

But to John it isn’t funny
He’s just lost his rocket money
Sadly now his steps retraces
Mud from head to trainer’s laces
Pauses by his neighbour’s fencing
Knowing that he needs much cleansing
Knowing that he dare not enter
As a dogless dog presenter
Panic of the species blind
Seizes Johnny’s jellied mind

But as Johnny sits downhearted
Sees the dogs from whom he parted
Hears their barking and their whining
Sees their leads are intertwining
Caught within and firmly wedging
In some bits of local hedging
Though the dogs are clearly mucky
Johnny thinks that he is lucky
There they stand at end of lane
Steaming in the pouring rain

Sad to say that on returning
Neighbour’s mouth is afterburning
With loud oaths his language studded
Seeing dogs all foul and muddied
Barely pausing to inspect ‘em
Boots poor Johnny up the rectum
Through the air he’s gently arcing
To the sound of lurchers barking
Landing in a sodden splash
Sadly with no hope of cash


Johnny’s a resourceful person
Realising things can’t worsen
Puts his cap upon the pavement
People take him for a vagrant
Each one throwing him a penny
Soon he finds that he has many
Doesn’t need the dogged labour
Of his most obnoxious neighbour
Money’s coming thick and fast
Now he has enough at last!


Darkness falls and stars are twinkling
Johnny’s outside in an inkling
Round the little garden races
Looking out for likely places
Takes his box of purchased rockets
Sticks them in their seedbed sockets
Lights the fuse with trembling fingers
Just a moment more he lingers
Then with a tremendous shower
Up in trails of sparks they power

From next door incessant barking
Starts to complement the sparking
Oaths and head come through the window
As the rockets reach crescendo
Lurchers leap in noisy witness
Too much for the neighbour’s fitness
He beneath the festive fires
On the windowsill expires

The moral here is clearly shown
If you’ve got dogs then walk your own!

One thought on “Rocket Money

  1. Enjoyed ready this funny poem, Paul, in rhyming couplets a la Rupert Bear, about a dog who leads a young dog walker down the garden path and way beyond. I challenge you to draw a cartoon picture for every couplet!

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